Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough?

Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough?

Hello. My name is Jennie Pelletier and my husband Joe and I just recently moved to Chelmsford.

Have you ever felt like your not good enough or smart enough or strong enough or pretty enough. I have. In fact I have spent a majority of my life feeling like I wasn’t enough.

When I was very young I remember an argument between my parents and my grandparents, the subject of which was me. I think that is the very first time I felt that there was something wrong with me. That I was not good enough. This was a concept that was reinforced many times in my home as I grew up. Love was conditional on being good.

By the time I was in junior high school I was being bullied by a group of boys in my neighborhood and, since the boys were popular at the school I was attending, the bullying carried over into school. I remember wondering what I had done wrong to cause this situation, maybe I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough for my peers to like me.

In high school I found myself feeling desperate to belong, to be wanted. This left me vulnerable and by the end of high school I was involved in the study and practice of Wicca. In college I moved on to physical intimacy as a way to try to feel loved. Always trying hard to be enough for people, to be loved and wanted.

At one point during my college years I was invited to an off campus bible study where I the leader issued an invitation to accept Jesus, but I remember shaking my head no and crying because I just felt like I wasn’t good enough and that God couldn’t possibly want me.

Eventually I married into a relationship where my worthlessness was frequently reinforced verbally and emotionally by my husband. I felt hopeless. I would never be good enough to be worthy of being loved. I wondered if the world would be better if I were gone.

It was during this time that a friend invited me to go to church with him. I told him maybe – someday. I remember thinking that if I went to church God would probably strike me down.

That Sunday morning his girlfriend showed up at my door to bring me to church. She would not take no for an answer – so I gave up and went to church.

I walked through the door and was amazed by the sound of cheerful voices greeting each other. Then I became terrified that someone might talk to me, so I went directly to a seat in the back row closest to the door, and sat down.

A moment later a man came to me, introduced himself as my friends father and told me that I could not possible sit alone that I had to come and sit with him and his family. Not wanting to be rude I got up and followed him – to a seat in the front row.

I sat down and wondered when the lightning was going to strike. As you can see there was no lightening and I am still here.

It was at that church that I met Jesus, heard about His unconditional love, and finally accepted Him into my heart. I learned that His love is a gift given to me and that I do not need to be good enough or pretty enough or smart enough earn it. The Bible says in Ephesians 2:8 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” (NIV®)

Three years after I accepted Jesus my husband divorced me because of my faith. It was at this time that I came across  Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” (NIV®)

I clung to that verse then and continue to even now. Nine years after my divorce God blessed me with my husband Joe and twelve years later we are here at Cornerstone. Life has not been picture perfect and we have had many life storms but each storm has been followed by a sunrise. God has been there working for my good through the storms and the sunrises.

I have learned that I don’t have to be prettier or stronger or smarter. I don’t have to have it all together. I don’t have to be good enough for God because as far as God is concerned I am just enough the way I am. He makes me all I need to be.

This faith story is just the table of contents in the book of my life that God is still writing every day. If you would like to know more about the chapters in the book I would be honored to talk with you in person.